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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Goodbyes.

First of All, I'm not feeling melodramatic tonight. Second, I'm not in my depression episode of this bipolar disorder tendency of mine. LOL. I just remember my post at fb about Goodbyes. Yes, Goodbyes. Somehow, I will say goodbye to people or places or anything good or bad that happened or almost happen to me. Soon enough, I'm going to write something like this once more. Again, I'm not being melodramatic. Just slightly melancholic (Does it significantly differ?) ROFL. 
Anyway, here, sharing again that post dated 12.4.2011:

I maybe am the male version of drama queen, but I swear I didn’t mean to create little issues about anything under the sun that catches my attention. I have reasons I don’t want people to argue. But since the time I was here in this place, I can’t help but recollect my stories about sickening experiences in the past, and running away though it was so hard to say goodbye.

Since we’re talking about goodbye, I have my several versions of them. First, I said goodbye to an emotion I thought could help me do right. But I was wrong. I must admit, every time I remembered I was being replaced by someone with someone who was thought to have more bearing than me was so hurting. That time I just pretended that I dropped the issue in the fear that I will be called a loser. But i was. And before that person could say anything, I bailed and said to shake it off to defend my reputable side. Well, it did really sting. Ouch! But, it has to happen that way. And trust me, I was so over it. That’s why I could talk about it. And for the record, I have come to my senses and realized I am a treasure hardly anyone could afford, hence, not just anyone can have me without working hard for it. Haha.
The second goodbye was to my job that I worked so hard climbing up. The corporate world I used to be in was generally enjoyable, though, I hate the snakes and anacondas striking on their fangs from my back. I must understand, they can’t attack me face-to-face because I am one heck of an irresistible snake charmer. And oh, I remembered one shout out from my friend in FB that when you are stabbed or stricken from the back, that means you are few steps ahead. Well, those who got their tongues burned by my statement clearly have red chillies with seeds on their dip sauce.

The last one was with my families and friends. Did I say friends? Well, I mean the true ones, and not the users and fakes. I hate those moments, really, I shed some tears. I didn’t really want to go. I was so in the middle of one-half-wants-me-to-go-other-half-wants-me-to-stay moment of truth. I even emailed my elder brother for, like, one litany of excuses and reluctance and false hopes that Philippines will get better and I want to stay. But suddenly, something must have spanked my nape to make me realize that there is no gain when there is no pain. Moreover, my angel and devil conspired to whisper in my ear in something like, ‘you’re a fool if you mustn’t go. Can’t you see, people are dumping and pushing you away here?” Anyways, I went, misty-eyed and broken-hearted. There you go.
But this time, enough is enough. I really have to say several goodbyes. There are just things that I need to let go from my hands in order to grab something much better to have. I know one can easily agree than argue of my justification, but, saying the word ‘goodbye’ isn’t easy and takes a lot of courage to utter. But one must, especially when needed.

For you out there who might have bid goodbye to whatever or whoever, I could understand when you tell me you’ve cried almost a river. That’s just normal, because it hurts, and we’re humans. But don't hold a thing that keeps you in misery, it might not be what's meant for you. Just don’t be afraid to let go, no matter how you love to have it, because you'll never gonna be happy.  When it's for you, it will chase after you. Believe that good things come to those who are not jerk enough to claim things at the expense of other’s feelings. 

I did it, I have let go. And I did not die.
Artes: Faces and Lovely Things (2011). Forgot where I placed the originals. :(

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