11/30/09 1:00 am
It’s 1 o’clock and I’m still awake
Don’t want to sleep though I feel so drained
I need to be very tired in order not to dream
About a thing that is very disturbing.
Last night I had an encounter
With familiar feeling, that keeps coming back
I braved to speak it out to the one it concerns
Hoping it might go away once unleashed.
I was wrong about my prediction
The feeling lingers on and on
A headache attacks my shell like hammer
I want to stop it but the pounding is much stronger.
I am also a regular human being capable of loving
And feels the pain, be angry and be sorry
I am not a stone or steel or something like those
But I have never been accustomed to how I should deal with it
Once it strikes me, it really stuck
It clings somewhere and I never had a chemical to unglue it.
Tears fell slowly, making it messier
In desperation to make it go away
I know I could let go so far away
But want it ASAP, like immediately.
Loving is not a good idea for me at anytime
Because I don’t have a strategy to defend my susceptibility
Just let me write an essay or draw a thing
But don’t make me fall in love with someone who is already taken.
All I want is to take care of somebody
Like I never did before or haven’t performed at all
But why should things become turbulent with my intention
That’s the question that I am trying to find a good solution.
I still believe that the case is simple
And I am the one complicating my position
In due of my instability and vulnerability